It's the 4th day i'd this dream.
It's excruciatingly pain when i'm inside this dream.

In the dream, DD & bonkers left me.
I dont know the 'Left' is they're dead or other particular reasons.
Then i left SG & was roaming in a foreign country.
the country looks like Rome where they have this big water fountain where people make wishes etc.
There i saw cz! Like 'huh??'
Then suddenly he disappear. Like 'huh??' again.
I walk around & realised i'm in all black.
Like mourning. Alone.
Very sad.
Everything are like so so real.
Like it actually happen in reality.

I hope it'll never EVER happen.

Am i able to do it alone with Bonkers...?
Maybe yes maybe not...
I really need to make the house children-friendly before moving back.
Its causing me headache with all these stuff..
The house is like full of trash.
Dustbin need to be change, washing machine is spoilt...
Safety gates to be install, play yard needed...
Wires all need to hide up well, drawers too...
Need to make the place as spacious as possible...
God... someone help me with all these man...

I can't believe i've to live on Maximizers & i totally hate it when i remove bra from my body. I don't even wanna look at them, i don't even wanna be naked or changing with my husband in the room. It's not that i regret pregnant or breast feeding. I just dont understand why they have to become sag. Even the bra sales person looked stunned when she saw them as i asked her to help me while trying on a bra. It's just so upsetting... I feel like grabbing them out of my body & pump air into it. How can i make them look like before again?

For a moment i wanted to kill Bonkers & myself. I dont want us to be an anchor to you.

Can i have Poetry or Piper or Pierre soon so i can do my own stuff??

I'm going to live like no tommorrow.
I'm living with a 'I dont care anymore' attititude.
I'm just going to make my way through whatever it happens in my way to future.
I'm just so so alert while typing all these.
I just want my life to be easier and more relaxed.

The Prob With Twins.

1. they get hungry at the same time.
2. they fall at the same time.
3. they hurt themselves at the same place, same site, same time.
4. they eat/drink the same amount, same time.
5. the left over the same amount of food/milk, same time
6. they cry/laugh at the same time.
7. they poo at the same time.
8. they bleed with the same amount of blood, same time.
9. the only diff - their physical appearance.

...though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day...